The Salsa Saint

After two or three weeks, something had to be done:

Top 3 Regrets People Have when they Die

Place of Peace or Regret?

Yesterday I listened to a priest give a talk on his experience in serving those who are near the end of their

life.  He said it has been consistently profound on how honest and transparent people are when they are on their deathbed.  He said for twenty years of doing bed-side ministry, when people know their time is almost up, they look back in their life with such clear objectivity with no more excuses.

And he shared with us that there are two types of people during these moments---the ones who rest peacefully looking back with a smile and ones who have major regrets and mourn wishing they did things differently.

He said there are consistently three main regrets men and women share with him right before they die.  He’s astonished at how it’s the same three every time:

#3 Wishing they spent more time with the children

He talked about fathers especially, who in their love for their children, work their hardest to provide for the best for their son’s and daughters.  Or father’s who didn’t know a thing about rearing children because their father didn’t do a good job, and resorted to distracting themselves with their work or maybe worser vices from addictions to affairs. 

In the case of the first type of father, he recognized that many father’s wanted to provide the best, when they realize later that they should given their best ---which is in the end, what children most need, is time spent with them. 

#2 Wishing they loved their spouse they way they should have

He found that both men and women will be clear and realize how good their spouse was to them, and wishes they told them more or loved them the way that they had wanted.  Those who regretted this wish they had spent more time with them or travelled to that one place they both had wished they went to.  They also realize how much they took that person for granted, and is sorry for all the thankless times they could have shown gratitude but didn’t.

#1 Wishing they had a better relationship with God

The priest found this one to be most surprising.  Maybe it’s because of their fear of what’s to come next, but those who mention this one regret all the excuses they had made for not having or making time for God.  All the justifications that they had to work hard to pay the bills or buy the house or rushing to get the children to soccer practice, there wasn’t enough time in the day to stop and say hi to God. 

And when he reversed it, he showed us that is it in this order that we should spend our priorities of love:

1.       God

2.       Spouse

3.       Children

And mentioned how we can’t love our spouse sufficiently if we can’t first feel and receive our love from God, and we can’t provide our children with the most love that they need if we first can’t receive and give love to our spouse first. 

This past weekend I wrote a love letter on a topic that most people find so taboo, most do not want to read, and even I have skirted avoiding writing about in fear of losing readers.  But I wanted to share it because I should no longer be afraid of what people might think when reading it.

It’s a love that’s hardest to receive because it takes the most trust and vulnerability.  And it’s the love that needs to be experienced by one individually before it can ever be understood.  Think about all the things in our lives we try to fill our void with, and may we anticipate what life could be like if we fill that void with something, or someone, else. 

There are 24 hours in a day.  What if we took 15 minutes of it for just you and Him. The hardest and maybe the most rewarding 15 minutes we can have.  May we all make this moment count.

Because we never know when these moments will be our last.

Amén.

Letter to the love of my life

What it comes down to
Between me and you

To the love of my life,

These past couple of years have been pretty special between us, haven’t they?  As I have gotten to know

myself better, I have started to get to know you better, how much you love me, how much I love you, and how all of it has opened my eyes.

Remember summer of junior year, when we were writing to each other?  I remember being afraid of your love, knowing that what I was feeling this time between me and you was different, and afraid of what you might really think of me.  I remember reading for the first time on paper your words, “I love you, Matt” and it was the first time you had told me that, or really the first time I was open to let you tell me that.  It struck me, in shock almost. Wow…you love me.  You really do love me.

Remember that Valentine’s Day later when we finally got to be alone after not seeing each other all day.  I lit some candles, and I took out my guitar and played for both of us in silence.  Something was very different about that day, as I was gaining the courage to say something to you I hadn’t ever said yet out loud.  Finally near the end of my playing, with my eyes closed, feeling my heart beat against my chest, I whispered, “I love you” and it was the first time I ever told you that from my mouth, for the whole world to hear.  It was the first powerful moment when I realized that our relationship can be intimate, and intimate to a level I’ve never experienced before. 

And now recently earlier this week, remember our time sitting together in the chapel?  I told you about how frustrated I am that I’m not living up to the man that I want to be for you.  But you were so comforting.  On my paper, you wrote me, “You’re my Matt.”  It touched me like nothing else has touched me before.  It was so personal.  I repeated in my head, “My Matt… my Matt… my Matt”  It was like this overwhelming blanket of love was covering and comforting me with its warmth and gentleness.  “I’m your Matt, I’m yours,” I kept saying.  And then you said, “You’re my love.  You’re my man.  You’re my Matt.”  And it was the first time you said it to me like that, and maybe it’s because it’s the first time I let you say it to me like that.  It was like again our relationship got to another level, another personal and intimate level I had never thought possible.

I’m starting to get really excited about what’s to come between us for the rest of my life. I anticipate something amazing.  Everything is possible when I’m near and safe in your love.  I’m sorry for all the times I ever take that for granted or forget to tell you how much you mean to me. You've always been so good to me.  May I be good back to you.

God, I love you.  And I mean that.  God, my Father, my one true love in my life ---I love you with all my heart.  I thank you for these moments.  The moments I wrote your words the summer of junior year, the moment you listened to me on Valentine's Day when I thought I didn't have a Valentine that day, and the moment in the chapel as I stared at you on the altar, and wrote your words in my journal. Thank you for loving me.  And I guess you’ve loved me my entire life.  So I thank you for giving me the opportunity to really get to love you back and feel your love now.

Forever yours,

your Matt

Time

Time.  I don't have it.  Work. After work activities. More work on the weekends. Wedding planning.  What gets left behind is my writing.  

It's frustrating. It's saddening.  It's unfortunate.

Video: My ridiculous morning walk to the bus

I took this video the other morning.  Check out what I'm wearing...and what I'm carrying.  Ridiculousness.

Books I'm currently reading (at the same time)

Obligatory (for pre Cana) but great read: The 5 Love Languages, Men's Edition by Gary Chapman

My pleasure read: Five Point Play: Duke's Journey to the 2001 National Championship by Mike Krzyzewski

A reread from high school but one of the funniest books I've ever read: On Writing by Stephen King

What are you reading?

Video: Mimi and I registering at Target

Mimi and I went to Target today to scan and check out some things for our wedding registry. I decided I wanted to record some of the action to help our friends and family for what they could get us. In hindsight, a lot of ridiculousness got recorded, including some things I'm still finding out about my future wife...

[Disclaimer: With reservations, Mimi gave me permission to put this up and thinks this is really strange to put a video of us at Target. "Who's going to want to watch this?" Ha, probably no one, but it still pleases me. She's basically letting me post this public because she's "trying really hard to love me for who I am."]





Amén.